tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84986318553114096092024-03-13T09:54:02.903-06:00Trying to survive Utah as a non-MormonPackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.comBlogger142125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-28859161193937889192016-08-25T12:16:00.001-06:002016-08-25T12:16:08.925-06:00Time can just slow down right now1 more month and we'll have a 2 year old! I seriously can't believe it. That tiny, snuggly, squishy little baby is now all toddler. Often I'll look at her and she looks like such a little girl. Her face has lost it's babyness. And while I'm so happy to be able to watch her grow and see the person she's becoming it's still so nostalgic. I want her to stay my sweet baby forever. She's such a smart little girl though. She amazes me every day. Recently she moved up to the 2 year old class at daycare and now she thinks she should be potty trained. Well, for pee at least since she hasn't really figured out pooping on the toilet yet. I expect this to be a long process since she's still so young, but she's doing really well and even peed in a public restroom yesterday! She's talking up a storm and has recently learned how to count 1-10 in english and spanish. Finally she's starting to get a little better attention span and can do things like simple puzzles. She'd still rather be on the move all the time. And if it involves jumping, she's in!<br />
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She's such a sweet big sister. She loves her baby sister E. She'll give E her pacifier when E's crying. And loves to help burp her. Granted she also steals the pacifier away and likes to sit on E, so it's a work in process, but they're so sweet together. I hope they always love each other this much.<br />
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E is 2.5 months old. She's starting to be more of a baby and less of my little newborn. I have a lot of feels about that. Especially since I haven't convinced my H we should have another one. So I'm trying to soak in every second in case she's our last. She's such a happy, smiley baby. She loves to coo and talk. It's still shocking to me that she's here. Throughout my pregnancy I feel like I was always waiting for something to happen and couldn't believe we'd really get here.<br />
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Life is crazy with 2u2, but I wouldn't change it for a second.PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-60949251102050023312016-08-04T06:19:00.000-06:002016-08-04T06:19:14.665-06:00No Such Thing as a "Good Baby"I wish we could just all agree to stop using the phrase good baby. Because it's not a thing. Having "good babies" implies that other babies are bad. And that's just not true. Yes, some are certainly more challenging, some cry more, some sleep less, some smile more, some reach milestones more quickly. But none of those things make a baby inherently good or bad. So let's just all agree to do away with the good baby comments. And if you are actually calling babies bad then you have issues, but please stop.PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-24804271023162672012016-06-19T03:48:00.000-06:002016-06-19T03:48:45.072-06:00To my husband on Father's DayI am so grateful for such an amazing partner as the father of my girls. Watching him laying with our newborn daughter on his chest brings tears to my eyes. I know there are a lot of guys who would use the excuse of breastfeeding to get out of night time duties, but not my H. He willingly takes his shift every night and usually tries to stretch it longer do I can get more sleep.<br />
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And if a man and a newborn weren't enough, he also transitions to being the fun, playful Dad with our toddler. She is just a ball of energy and there's no way I could keep up with her without him.<br />
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He is such a great role model for our girls. He is kind and patient and respectful. He's sensitive and sweet. He always makes sure that they and I are taken care of, from making dinner, doing the grocery shopping, fixing things as they break around the house. I never have to wonder if he'll do something he says he will because he always keeps his promises.<br />
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I'm just so happy that I know my girls will always know they can go to their Dad for anything. Their lives will be full of memories of playing and spending time with their Dad and they will not doubt for one second how much he loves them.<br />
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So, to my husband this Father's Day, thank you. Thank you for being the amazing father I knew you would be. Thank you for always being there for us, for always putting the girls' needs ahead of your own. Thank you for giving them a sense of adventure and fun. Thank you for always being able to make us laugh. And most of all just thank you for being you.<br />
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We love you more than you'll ever know. Happy Father's Day.PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-40220536404693424142016-06-13T05:42:00.003-06:002016-06-13T05:42:27.580-06:00She's Here!So after months of stressing and worrying, I can't believe I'm holding my beautiful, precious newborn daughter in my arms. Arriving 2 days before her due date, EJ showed up in the early morning hours of 6/11, just short of 24 hrs after my water broke Fri morning.<br />
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I don't know what I really expected from labor. I've seen and heard enough to know how very different they can be. I had a pretty amazing/lucky experience. My water broke Fri morning. No movie theater quality, just a small hush and continued leakage. However there were no other signs of labor. So what do you do? Well, I decided to go to work. I had some things to finish up and a couple people I wanted to see that morning. I did decide to work only a half day. It was super awkward though rescheduling my afternoon because I didn't really want people to know it might be baby watch time. ESPECIALLY if I had found out that the leak was urine and not amniotic fluid. How awkward would that have been come Monday. I just kept hoping I wouldn't get a bigger gush/leak through my pad. After work I had H pick me up and we took L home and all had a nice nap. Then went to the hospital where they confirmed it was amniotic fluid. Baby looked great on the nst and I wasn't having any regular contractions so they gave me the option to go home and wait for labor to start or admit and augment labor. We decided to leave so we could take L to our friend's house so they could watch her and we stayed until bedtime. I cannot tell you the emotions putting her to bed the last time before going to the hospital. First it was the first time we've left her with anyone other than my H/myself overnight since she was a newborn in the hospital (and then she was with her birthmom). Second, I really don't know how this 2 kids thing is going to go. L has been our only for almost 21 months and part of me is so, so sad for that to be over. I stood there sobbing in my friend's guest room as I put her to bed.<br />
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By that point I was starting to finally have more frequent, slightly uncomfortable contractions. We went home so I could shower and have some ice cream. And then decided to head in. While I really wanted an unmedicated, vaginal birth which I was afraid wouldn't happen if we chose to augment, I also knew that the risk of infection goes up the longer your water is broken, especially once you get past the 24 hr mark. And I was not willing to risk my baby's health to avoid an epidural. Plus, for selfish reasons I wanted to spend the minimum amount of time away from L as I could so didn't want to waste the night sleeping at home with the chance nothing might happen with labor.<br />
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So we headed in. The MW on call was not impressed with my contractions and suggested we go home if I wanted an unmedicated birth. I told her that no we were decided. Luckily rather than start pitocin, she recommended cervical ripening with oral cytotec since the day before in clinic I was only 1 cm dilated and she didn't want to check again due to infection concerns.<br />
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Shortly after I got the cytotec at 1a I really felt my contractions increase in intensity. They kept telling me to relax and rest which was so not happening. At 430 i was starting to feel really uncomfortable and the sensation of something low in my pelvis. It was a little discouraging though that whenever the nurses came in they'd call my contractions moderate or warn of how much worse they were going to get. It started to make me feel like there was no way I'd make it without an epi. Luckily since my contractions were 1-4 min apart they said I didn't need another dose of cytotec. They said it was up to me if I wanted a cervical check. By that point I felt like surely I must be close if I feel this awful. So she checks my cervix. 5cm. Seriously? She did at least comment baby was really low and engaged. When she left the room I almost cried nov way was I making it through another 5cm without meds. I decided to go to bathtoom. While there I had a contraction and felt the need to push. I couldn't stop it. And I swore I felt the head come down super low. And I was worried that pushing at a 5 cm would cause major damage. So I made B call the nurse semi-panicked I was going to have a toilet baby and amazingly I was a 9! And on the next contraction when I bore down since I still couldn't stop it she could see the head! So she had the team come. And at 523am just sort of an hr after being told I was a 5, our beautiful daughter was born.<br />
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I think my MW was in total shock with how things went. And so were the nurses. Somehow I apparently hadn't gotten across how uncomfortable I was. And I made it med free! I had a little tearing and so it burns down there. But I've seriously felt great. Other than ice packs I haven't even needed ibuprofen.<br />
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The best news ever was hearing she was healthy. I had such nightmares leading up to delivery that there would be something seriously wrong with her health. I am so, so glad those fears seem unfounded at this time.<br />
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It's really amazing the difference between meeting L and meeting E. The first time I held L I burst into tears feeling an instant connection even though I logically knew she wasn't. She was actually someone else's child and we were just fortunate enough that her birth mom was entrusting us with her. And because of that, even though I was so, so happy to bring L home, that happiness was marred by a sense of loss. Her loss of her biologic family. The loss of the person she could have been. Conversely for E, I didn't have that perfect moment of feeling instant connection until that evening when L came to visit. My first time holding E, everything felt so surreal. I knew logically she was ours, but I didn't feel it until I saw her with her sister. Instantly I just knew and felt like everything fit. This was my family. And it's perfect.<br />
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I am so incredibly grateful for these two beautiful perfect girls that I have the privilege to call my daughters. I wish there was a way to bottle up this feeling to visit it on those days full of tantrums and melt downs that I know are ahead. I just feel like my heart is going to bust out of my chest. I just want to savor every second of the beauty of my new family of 4. Right this second I don't think my life could be more perfect. L loves her baby sister and has been so good with her. It's done so much to ease my anxieties. i just feel now that they are going to be the best sisters and are going to be so good with and for each other.<br />
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Who knows what the future holds for us. But right now I need to get busy soaking in every second of this blissful, serene time in our lives. Especially before the exhaustion of sleep deprivation hits :)PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-90434118686721512502016-03-30T22:03:00.001-06:002016-03-30T22:03:34.385-06:00Random RamblingsNot sure if anyone still reads this (probably not) but I do like having a way to keep track of my thoughts and what's going on in our lives. So here is my randomly intermittent update.<br />
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L is 18 months old. I'm not sure where the last year and a half went. She is so smart. Probably too smart for my own good. We counted the other day and she says some 50+ words. Including her new favorite "stuck" which you can imagine how that sounds. She loves singing the "ABCDs" and can get to about j with the tune. And does at least recognize that it refers to letters because when she sees something with writing she gets really excited and says "ABCDs!" She's also learning most of her major body parts. I'm convinced at least half of them came from daycare since I don't remember teaching her cheeks. She's pretty good with animal noises as well and loves going to the zoo, which luckily we got a pass this year. She's walking, running, climbing and generally keeping us exhausted. Boy does that girl have a personality! She can go from the most charming, delightful child to the most obstinate toddler is milliseconds. She's also really practicing pushing boundaries, which while I know is absolutely normal, it's so hard trying to figure out when to put your foot down vs let things slide. She absolutely adores stuffed animals, especially her stuffed bunny "Theo" and her giraffe who now need to go everywhere with us or else she will constantly call out "Theo? Giraffe? 'Are you?" She has the most adorable, sweet little voice that I know I need to capture on video because I'm always going to want to remember it. Thank goodness for cell phones with cameras and camcorders! She loves being outside, swinging, slides, bubbles, books, and her kitties "Oreo" and "Oreo" (aka Bosley). Sadly they are not similarly as excited for her love for them. Nor do they appreciate as much when she points out their noses and eyes. Luckily so far they have been very patient with her and can run faster and jump higher than she can.<br />
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I feel like parenting, just like many things in life is an exercise of constantly second guessing yourself. Like, will I be screwing my kid up for life if I do x? It's definitely a learning process and I'm far from perfect. But at least I've got a few things that I know I need to improve at and am trying to work on (like more patience and trying to learn when it's okay to be a little more lax). And hopefully love and trying to always be there will be enough in the meantime.<br />
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One of my "accomplishments" as an adoptive Mom of a Black toddler is that I'm starting to learn her hair. The idea of "doing" a toddler's hair was a little foreign for me since as a bald white baby my sisters, my niece and I were essentially bald until we were 2 or 3. But I'm learning that for Black toddlers not doing their hair means that it dries out more quickly, gets really tangled, and perhaps most importantly is against cultural norms. The more I've learned the more I love and am impressed by Black women's hair styles. I love doing L's hair and feel like we're getting there in terms of this styling thing. Although we still have a ways to go before we're impressing anyone. But, I feel proud of the fact that I feel like her hairstyles usually fit in with the other kids at her daycare. And her hair is growing a lot better and (I think) looks healthy.<br />
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I'm also chugging right along with this pregnancy thing. 29 weeks, 3rd trimester. I'm still not sure that I believe at the end of this we'll be taking home a baby. Everything has just gone too smoothly. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. And at the same time trying to simultaneously enjoy every second because this may very well be the only time I experience pregnancy. Overall I really don't have any complaints. It's kind of crazy to think that had this happened after 2-3 months of TTC (rather than years), I could just be a completely clueless pregnant lady. Completely oblivious to the struggles others go through. I might be aware of them, but it wouldn't really affect me. Even now I feel like something of a fraud in the IF world because I have the sense that things worked out for me in a way that was better than I imagined. Without IF we wouldn't have L. We wouldn't have this baby on the way. I wouldn't have any of the friends and amazing people I've met along the way. I definitely would not be the same person that I am now. I would never want to relive IF, nor would I wish it on my worst enemy. But somehow, I've made it to the point of happiness. Of not being (so) bitter anymore. I wish that was the only conclusion to IF. Unfortunately I know it's not. and my heart breaks for those who have lost more along the way or who have not gotten back to a pointPackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-76086435933570838402016-01-31T19:25:00.000-07:002016-01-31T19:25:14.188-07:00Back to the NeedlesAfter a long break I'm finally getting back into knitting. It feels so good to make things again. Of course I'm still not that productive due to being slow and only being able to knit for maybe a couple of hours a day. But I'm finally ALMOST finished with the sweater I've been working on for way longer than I care to admit. The problem with adult sized stuff is that it takes patience and commitment which I don't really have. But once I finish knitting the neckline and weaving in some ends I will be so happy to say that I finished! It actually really was a pretty easy pattern, which I think made it harder for me to get around to actually finishing/working on it. I am pretty annoyed though because despite making sure to buy yarn from the same dye lot there was one skein which most definitely a different shade. Ugh. It's certainly not perfect, but for a first attempt I think it's not too bad.<br />
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And getting back to knitting for babies which is mich more s uited for my short attention span, my friend just had her new baby so I couldn't go to meet him empty handed. I knit up this cute little hat that I found the pattern for on ravelry. I think it turned out okay. I'm happy to say it actually cane out newborn size. I had to alter the pattern a touch since I didn't have the needle size the pattern called for. I have another friend due in March, and I think I might make another one of these for her little boy.</div>
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Now to finish the blanket that was initially intended as a baby shower gift for my friend who now has 1 year old twins. Whoops! I did manage to finish one which I gave to my niece (although never got around to taking a picture of). And I may finish the other one at some point in the future. I'm also working on a little romper pattern. We were at walmart of all places when I impulse bought some yarn because I liked it without any real project in mind. I'm hoping to make matching rompers for L and her baby sibling. Because I totally plan on being cutesy/embarrassing like that. Poor kids.</div>
PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-77400903485063163202016-01-28T22:51:00.000-07:002016-01-28T22:51:06.834-07:00HalfwayI'm 20w2d today. It feels like a huge milestone to be past the halfway point, although I know there's still a lot ahead (and worry that sadly there's still a lot that can go wrong, although I'm trying to ignore those fears). I'm definitely starting to look more pregnant which is exciting! Although I still get nervous whenever anyone new finds out. I'm starting to feel more consistent movement, both outside and inside and it's the most amazing thing.<br />
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One of my good friend's just had a baby yesterday and I'm so incredibly excited for her. She's been through so much on this journey, IF, 2nd tri loss and she's been with me every step of the way with my own IF amd adoption journey. It's so amazing that we somehow ended up being pregnant at the same time. As I was holding her beautiful litle boy I kept thinking, I'm going to have another one of these (hopefully) in 20 weeks give or take.<br />
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However seeing her with her new baby and thinking of the future, I can't help but think how different this is than having L. I never got to feel her first little kicks. She shared those with her birth mother. I'll never look at her and think she has my nose, my hair, B's smile, etc. When I look at her I see her birth Mom's gorgeous, big eyes and her beautiful smile. And I wouldn't change that for the world. I can never and will never take the place of the woman who gave her birth, who gave her life, and who gave us our smart, spirited daughter. But at the same time I worry about the challenges of letting them both know how loved and wanted they are, even though they came to us in totally different ways. It's hard to explain and understand difference without jumping to better or worse. I have hope and faith that everything will work out and we will be able to raise healthy, well adjusted children, but I definitely see some bumps and challenges along the way.<br />
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Speaking of L, this girl has personality for days. She is just the life of the party. She runs around, dances, and is such a chatterbox. She also is very sure about exactly what she wants and how she wants it. And if you dare suggest that she not have it, watch out. She may be only 16 months but she definitely has the attitude and independence of an older toddler. While the tantrums are real, I wouldn't trade them for the world if that would mean she'd lose her little spark. She has the brightest personality, so we'll take the tantrums. Besides, I'm pretty sure that even though we're not biologically related she gets her temper from me. Whoops! We both need to borrow a little of B's patience. She's growing up so fast. Our tiny little newborn has blossomed into a full out toddler. She's starting to mimic and talk a lot more. I completely melt over her sweet little voice. I just want time to slow down. Now that she's moving a million miles per minute I miss the days when she just wanted to cuddle all the time. I miss holding her while she sleeps. She's now much too busy/distractible to take a nap with Mommy. She is still so sweet and loves to give hugs and kisses. And she does still cuddle, it just lasts about 30 seconds before she's running off to the next thing. Time needs to slow down! (And simultaneously speed up for those who are still awaiting their little<br />
<a name='more'></a> miracles)PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-37200245526962963182016-01-08T21:12:00.000-07:002016-01-08T21:12:33.126-07:00Hello 2016, Show me what you've got!Another new year. Looking back, 2015 was a great year! Obviously not perfect, but all in all it was a great year. So many firsts. L's first time crawling, first steps, first words, first teeth. It's amazing how much things have changed in the past year. Our teeny tiny baby is this huge personality, constantly moving toddler. <div>
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As we start 2016 her favorite things are: dancing, jumping, her stuffed animals, talking, running, looking at books, taking out every single toy she owns to play with them for 0.1 seconds before she gets out the new toy.</div>
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Her words include: mama/mommy, dada/daddy, hi, up, down, bye, night night, banana, puppy, ball, balloon, uh oh, Theo (her bunny's name), no, her cousin's name, baby, jump, agua, owl, and maybe a few others. </div>
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Animal noises she makes: kitty, elephant, cow, monkey, rooster, owl, sheep</div>
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Body parts she knows: head, belly, nose, feet, shoulders</div>
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Favorite foods: grapes, berries, oranges, anything full of carbs</div>
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Dislikes: sleeping through the night, being put down, not having our full attention</div>
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2015 also brought us the hope for a sibling for L! She is so smart and funny, she's going to be a great big sister.</div>
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I'm 17w3d today. We had our 17w appointment yesterday and the little babe had a heartbeat of 156. I think everything's going well. I've felt a few flutters here and there, I can't wait for movement to become more consistent. I'm actually feeling pretty good lately. No nausea for the last couple weeks (knock on wood). I'm still tired all the time. And I have no desire to do anything, at least anything that involves getting dressed or getting off the couch. And I'm itchy, my skin is so dry. My boobs are also getting way too big. I think I need to duct tape them to keep them from getting bigger.</div>
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2015 also saw the birth of my second niece and ended with my younger sister getting married. So excited for our growing family!</div>
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We've also had new jobs for both H and I. A move to a new house (still renting but more space).</div>
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I can't wait to see what 2016 brings.</div>
PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-78889055539037376512015-12-20T16:25:00.004-07:002015-12-20T16:25:41.224-07:00Happy Holidays!I'm not sure where the year has gone! It seems crazy that we're less than a week out from Christmas. And even crazier that in a few weeks it will be 2016.<br />
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2015 has been a good year for my family and I. I feel so lucky being able to watch L grow into such a spirited and lively little girl. She's learning so much and has such a big personality. And I don't think that's just parental pride. For example the other night her daycare had a holiday party and as part of it the 2 yo class was dancing to one of the Christmas songs. Which of course meant they were all frozen in front of the crowd. So one of the teachers had little L go up and join them because everyone knows how much she loves to dance. Things like that make me so proud that she's such a vibrant little girl. Of course the flip side to that is that she's very opinionated and can throw quite the fit when things don't go her way. But, exhausting as it can be, I wouldn't give up a second of it.<br />
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We finally are getting some snow this year. L has been loving it! She loves sledding. And eating the snow. She's even really good at wearing her snow gear, including mittens. It's so awesome to see her little face light up sledding down a hill.<br />
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And as the year draws to a close, we'll be welcoming another family member, this time through marriage. My younger sister is getting married! I hope she finds even a fraction of the happiness I have in marriage. Life is so much better with the right person by your side.<br />
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I'm also feeling really amazed to have made it to 2nd trimester. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, but luckily everything has gone smoothly so far. I really hope it continues that way. I feel like once I can feel movement maybe I'll be able to relax a bit, but who knows. Either way I'm just trying to enjoy every day. L and work usually do a great job at keeping me busy!PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-48963904601260268072015-11-15T06:57:00.001-07:002015-11-15T06:57:24.858-07:00Sappy<p dir="ltr">Horemones do some crazy things. I can go from being easily ticked off by e en the smallest thing to being a big ole ball of sap from one minute to the next. My poor family and coworkers. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Lately I've been in kind of a sappy mood. I'm so excited to see L be a big sister, but I'm also sad that her time to be an only child has an expiration date on it. She's such a joyful, smart little girl. She's getting pretty good at following some simple commands. So I have fun getting her to spin, give hugs, blow kisses, etc all day. We're still working on the put your stuff away. And there's a lot to put away because at almost 14 mo the most fun thing ever is taking every single one of her toys off the shelf. It almost always starts with the books. First is usually "I Love My Hair" which she brings over to me to page through. She loves the part where the little girl is walking down the street with beads in her hair going clicky clacky. At this point L will start swinging her head. After we read/page through that book 5 or 6 times out come the touch and feel books. And the "Panda Bear, Panda Bear What Do You See?" because she likes opening up all the little doors. Once all the books are strewn all over the floor out come the nesting blocks. She usually just throws those at us so we can make a tower for her to knock over. Then come the cars. Next the shape sorter box which also is usually thrown at me. I need to start writing letters to the Melissa and Doug company. I don't understand why they think toys for small children need such sharp corners! After that is stuffed animals, or knocking all her wooden blocks out of their cart, or throwing puzzle pieces around, or pulling out her band instruments. And this is how, every evening my living room looks like a bomb exploded. Just to put it all away and repeat the next day. </p>
<p dir="ltr">We'll see how she does with having to share (my guess is not well). But for now, we'll just let her enjoy getting our undivided attention. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Also, turns out this pregnancy thing wasn't just a hysterical pregnancy like I was afraid it might be. Had a dating u/s last week which confirmed one little bean measuring one day off my guessed lmp, which puts my EDD at June 14! HR was in the 170s. We didn't get any great pictures since they did a transabdominal (it's weird to get an u/s with your pants on!) So little baby looked like a blob/a turtle. But still very cool. It still doesn't really feel real. Especially since my morning sickness is doing better (thank goodness!) and I'm feeling pretty normal, other than a little more bloated. But we've been telling some more people - a few close friends, my family. I don't know when we'll announce to work. It feels weird and I kind of want to wait until I can't hode it any more. But at the same time I'll need to tell before they start working on schedules and vacations for the summer. I also don't know when we'll tell extended family. Probably the only 2 times we'll see them before baby is born (assuming all works out) is my sister's bridal shower and wedding and I don't really want to steal her thunder. Maybe we'll just send out pictures after the baby is here?</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4PTKgcix6T6x-2jFBLcCjgOIO0YVJeYSgw1_hq_U_DRJ8-3tBTd5lWI_2gQMVj4AjyCyICwz0gK1Vfll5mj6Ilo-W8HvgRgRdEXZpa4Mj2g4rM0IwFX2vQDlbThiiKLBYyN9Rgu_Tw4aE/s1600/20151105_145659.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4PTKgcix6T6x-2jFBLcCjgOIO0YVJeYSgw1_hq_U_DRJ8-3tBTd5lWI_2gQMVj4AjyCyICwz0gK1Vfll5mj6Ilo-W8HvgRgRdEXZpa4Mj2g4rM0IwFX2vQDlbThiiKLBYyN9Rgu_Tw4aE/s640/20151105_145659.jpg"> </a> </div>PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-57807230882358504992015-10-17T10:45:00.001-06:002015-10-24T15:45:39.980-06:00And the curve balls keep coming<p dir="ltr">At least in a good way this time. </p>
<p dir="ltr">******warnings for anyone having a bad IF day you might want to skip this***<br><br><br><br><br></p>
<p dir="ltr">This blog has been through a lot with me. TTC, TTTC, IF, Adoption, acceptance. And now, I guess pregnancy?! </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm still in shock and disbelief. I can't really believe this is real life. After coming to terms with the idea of never being pregnant, I'll be honest I hadn't really been keeping the best track of my cycles. So on Monday I thought, hey it seems like it's been awhile, but of course I couldn't actually remember when my last period was. So, annoyed about wasting moneyon a stupid test, but paranoid about drinking my wine without taking one, I had H bring me home some. I took it and left the room for 5 min because I'm way past the point of sitting and watching for only 1 line to come up. Imagine my shock when I went back and there were 2! 2 beautiful, strong lines.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Being the romantic that I am, I walked upstairs test in hands and asked B what the heck is this? I think you bought me a defective test. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Cue water chugging once I realized I still had an old FRER left in our bathroom. Sure enough for the second time that night a 2nd line showed up. </p>
<p dir="ltr">So me, the girl who has never even had so much of a squinter or an evap line now had 2 tests that were obviously positive. I couldn't really get excited at first because I was sure this must be some kind of mistake. So I called my doctor the next day who luckily ordered betas for me. And the first beta was 4307! What a beautiful number. 2 days later it jumped up to 8200. This is real! And somehow it's happening to me! </p>
<p dir="ltr">It still seems completely surreal. Although I'm starting to have the morning/all day nausea to support it. I'm also exhausted, although I feel like maybe I'm just as tired as usual but fully embracing it now. I couldn't get in to an ob until nov 5, so I have to wait until then for hopefully a dating u/s to confirm a due date. For now I'm going with a guesstimate of June 13.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm still terrified that something is going to go wrong. I can't figure out how we got so lucky, and keep waiting for a huge reality check. But I'm trying to put aside the fears. For this moment, I'm pregnant. And I'm hoping that everything all ends up working out. L is going to be the best big sister. And I'm so excited that she'll, hopefully, have a sibling close in age to play with. </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwHxbUSF_GK4Z2shP-TVH7icaMFlQFCjwWb9loG_xWuu-_4-rGtq90gW88YdPZDeA1XzRlXkygq7K0FHLxo5l6IfPs4Us6SGvVbRxsIs8JjTgGrVkcDFMQfKUazPl1OCFOTNE71c5_d7yQ/s1600/20151012_193948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwHxbUSF_GK4Z2shP-TVH7icaMFlQFCjwWb9loG_xWuu-_4-rGtq90gW88YdPZDeA1XzRlXkygq7K0FHLxo5l6IfPs4Us6SGvVbRxsIs8JjTgGrVkcDFMQfKUazPl1OCFOTNE71c5_d7yQ/s640/20151012_193948.jpg"> </a> </div>PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-63136588266598954492015-09-26T22:48:00.001-06:002015-09-26T22:57:38.249-06:001 year old<p dir="ltr">We have a 1 year old. I have no idea how that happened. It's amazing what a difference a year makes! There are so many mixed feelings. I'm so happy for everything that we have. This beautiful, happy, smart, amazing girl. But yet I'm sad for everything she's lost. Her biologic family. The connection to her heritage/ethnicity. I have no idea if/what effect this will have on her in the future. I hope that by remembering and being open to talk with her about her past and the unknowns , we'll at least be able to help her navigate through this world.</p>
<p dir="ltr">L is really the most amazing girl. I can't begin to describe how wonderful she is. She is so smart, funny, and sweet. She's such a little toddler now, I just can't believe it! She's walking and trying to run. She's so talkative, she loves trying to talk and can say mama, dada, hi, outside, up, yum, kitty, uh oh, banana, ball, balloon (sort of), agua, and (according to daycare) apple. I'm totally biased, but I think she's pretty much a genius. She loves eating and will try pretty much anything. Music is one of her favorite things, she loves dancing and playing with her band set and singing into her microphone. And, she finally has a tooth peeking through! Don't get me wrong, she's a very spirited little peanut. If you don't do things by her schedule an unbelievable meltdown will occur. She's definitely passionate!</p>
<p dir="ltr">And I can feel the difference in myself as well. I feel satisfied in a way that I didn't for a long time. I feel complete. I've finally reached a point where I am not spending time obsessing over when or how we're going to have a baby. Yes, I'd love for L to have a little brother or sister. But honestly, even if we never have another child, I don't think I'd feel like we were missing something. For the first time in 3 years, I feel at peace with the idea of never having a bio child. When we went into adoption, I always had the nagging thought at the back of my head, well maybe someday we'll get pregnant. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Now, it's not really about me and what I want.  I think in a couple years we'll probably do DIA again. Specifically we'll be open to another child of color. Even though they won't be blood siblings, I'd like for L and her hypothetical sibling to share the same race. That's an experience we can never fully share with her and I don't think it's fair for her to be on her own in our family. </p>
<p dir="ltr">But, for now I'm happy. I don't feel the need to have "a plan." Things will play out in the future however they're supposed to be. And we'll be ready for it when it comes. In the meantime we'll cherish every second we have this brilliant, beautiful girl.</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_gZYwSf4tTBpo8QByndyV8DCIX4yQnaMyq6sGSq7uwRd-m2A9_UFif-AOAEcv9OO4mUeE55sKE2_VDXx-VJU1hbqqIXkuTKxlk2eKKr_3QBBpBQfRRj8kml-RiSdT9tpM2-NHDeh1kGU5/s1600/20150926_152735.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_gZYwSf4tTBpo8QByndyV8DCIX4yQnaMyq6sGSq7uwRd-m2A9_UFif-AOAEcv9OO4mUeE55sKE2_VDXx-VJU1hbqqIXkuTKxlk2eKKr_3QBBpBQfRRj8kml-RiSdT9tpM2-NHDeh1kGU5/s640/20150926_152735.jpg"> </a> </div>PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-13418794825907621252015-07-12T15:50:00.001-06:002015-07-12T15:50:59.215-06:00I have a lot to learn<p dir="ltr">I've had some extra time this weekend  (read I'm procrastinating and avoiding doing things I should be doing), so I've been doing some research on something near and dear to my heart: learning about the black experience in America. L is really too young right now for us to have much issues, but even now there are certain things that happen that I wonder if they would happen if L were white or if we were black. For example, we cannot go anywhere without having multiple people stop and comment how beautiful she is and how huge her eyes are, which is true. But there are a lot of really cute babies out there and I find it hard to believe they all draw this much attraction. It makes me wonder if it's because we're such a conspicuous family?</p>
<p dir="ltr">Growing up in a predominantly white community with an almost exclusively white family, I never had to think much about race. I have friends of differemt ethnicities and have never considered myself racist, but honestly I've also never given much thought to what it is to live as a person of color and how different my experience is for the sole reason that I was born white.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I've heard one of my friends (a hispanic woman who works in a very respected position) tell stories about how a nurse handed her a trashcan thinking she was a janitor. And I've been incredulous and laughed with her, but never really understood how that would feel. Sure, I work in a predominantly male field so I've had people make assumptions that I do something else or ask me to do things that I'm sure they wouldn't ask of my male counterparts. But, as a white woman it's still much easier for me than it is for my coworkers who are Hispanic or Indian or other ethnicities.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Funny in my education we learn about cultural competence. I always assumed that just meant treating everyone like equals no matter their race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, etc. And I thought that was enough. But I'm coming to believe it takes more than that. It takes understand how much easier my life is just based on circumstances. Based on the fact that I'm white, I grew up in a middle class home, both of my parents went to college (and they were the first generation in their families to do that), I grew up in a safe neighborhood, I'm straight, I've never had to question my gender identity or sexual orientation. None of these were things that I earned, they were all just luck of the draw. None of those are things to be guilty about, but until I understand my priveleges, I don't think I can really relate to others experiences who have not had those priveleges. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I'm not going to say how many times I cried this weekend reading through articles talking about white privelege and talking about how people who are black or other colors experience the world. About black women who are followed in stores and made to feel criminal based simply on the color of their skin. About the over representation of people of color in prison/jail. I could go on. </p>
<p dir="ltr">http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/7770652 - I thought this article in particular was really eye opening. "To understand, you have to know that Black people think in terms of Black people. We don't see a shooting of an innocent Black child in another state as something separate from us because we know viscerally that it could be our child, our parent, or us, that is shot." I was reading the article out loud to B and right about here is where the water works started. I don't really watch the news. Honestly I live in a bit of a bubble. But I need to start living in reality. While L is a black girl raised by white parents and her experience will be different than others of color (not necessarily better or worse, but definitely different), but there will be things out there that we can't protect her from.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I am hopeful that L will grow up in a world that is more open to fighting for equality for all people. But it's going to take people like me to realize that being "color blind" is not the answer. We need to take our blinders off and acknowledge the injustices that exist purely based on the color of one's skin, or their sexual orientation, or gender identity, or fill in the blank. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I have a lot to learn. Luckily, I want to learn. I want to be able to prepare my daughter for the world. I want to expose her to strong black, as well as white, and female, as well as male role models. I want her to be proud of who she is. Proud of being a woman of color. I'm not quite sure how to do that yet, but I'm sure she'll help guide me along the <u>way</u></p>
PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-78075324857899599732015-07-05T22:38:00.002-06:002015-07-05T22:38:44.727-06:00LuckySo, the other day one of my coworkers flippantly commented how "lucky" I was that we adopted and that I didn't have to deal with the post-pregnancy weight.<br />
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I was flabbergasted. Lucky? Lucky to have spent two years waiting and wishing for a baby that never existed? Lucky to have spent my life savings on a dream that others get for free? Lucky for my child to have lost her first family?<br />
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Yes, I am amazingly blessed to have the beautiful daughter that I have now. She is perfect in every way possible.<br />
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But, really, comparing your 20 (or so) lbs of weight loss versus the pain that L (and the rest of my family) has been through? You've got to be kidding me!PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-74729148625029423382015-06-30T22:41:00.000-06:002015-06-30T22:41:05.175-06:009 months It's kind of crazy to me to think that, typically, 9 months after knowing you will have a child you give birth to a newborn. Nope, not here. 9 months later and we have a very healthy, very active, mobile 9 month old!<br />
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Life is so good. Our cute little Birdie is becoming such a chunker! At only 26" (3%ile), she's already 16 lbs 11 oz (20%ile). She loves eating any and everything. She is always on the move. Poor cats, she's figured out she can chase after them. Luckily they're pretty good-natured and haven't bit or scratched her yet. Despite the fact that she thinks she can use their tails as leashes... She's pulling up to stand whenever she can and loves to bounce up and down.<br />
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She is such a joy. I don't think I've ever met a happier baby. Sure she has her moments, and at 9 months has already been throwing tantrums for a month or so, but overall she is so happy. She is totally silly and loves to make raspberries and stick her tongue out and make all sorts of silly noises. She loves her Daddy and gets a huge smile on her face whenever he kisses her goodnight.<br />
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And (possibly) best of all, after 8.5 months of terrible, horrible sleep, she now sleeps through the night!! Turns out she just needed her own room. So about a month ago B and I started sleeping out in the living room and within 2 days we went from 3 wake ups a night to ZERO! And now that we're moved and she has her own room, the pattern has continued. I love sleep so much, so this is a welcomed change. But crazy parent brain, I actually miss our night time cuddles.<br />
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Luckily, little L is quite the good cuddler. When you can get her to sit still for more than 1 second she'll wrap her little arms around my neck and start talking into my shoulder. It's the Best. Feeling. Ever. As frustrating as it was at one point that she always needed to be held, I now relish in those moments. They're only little for so long. And getting to sleep at night and cuddle during the day is seriously the best combination ever.<br />
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She's quite the little social butterfly. The other day at the park this 3 yo boy came up and spent at least 20 min playing with her. He then proceeded to serenade her with the ABC's and songs from The Little Mermaid. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite so comical in my life. And then the other day she and B had come to visit me at work and she made friends with a girl who was a few years older. Who also happened to be adopted. Turns out her mom and B talked and we got some good hair care tips. She recommended using Argan oil conditioner which we tried out this week and I absolutely love! I've been thinking we need to get some conditioner for a while because L's tail has been so snarly and dry, and this argan oil conditioner we bought from target was wonderful!<br />
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I can't believe my little baby is getting so big!!PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-57403752915882787562015-06-06T14:40:00.001-06:002015-06-06T14:40:54.534-06:00GraduationIt's almost the end of this chapter in my life, so naturally, I've started reflecting back over the past 3 years. Out of all the distinct "segments" in my life, I feel like I have changed the most over these past 3 years.<br />
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3 years ago, I had never lived outside the midwest. My family had always been within an hour and a half drive. Moving out west and knowing essentially no one has let my H and I learn to depend on one another in such a different way. I think it's made us stronger. It certainly has made us more self-reliant.<br />
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In the past 3 years I have learned more about life and loss than ever before. I have seen children take their first breaths. And unfortunately seen other take their last. I have watched someone learn news that will forever change the trajectory of their life. I have had friends who have learned that their sweet, beautiful baby has a life-ending disease. I have been there for people as their lives have literally crumbled around them. And I have also been there as they picked themselves back up and built their lives back up. I have watched people overcome things that no one thought they would. <br />
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I have never been as exhausted as I have been these past few years. More than once I felt like I was reaching my limits for stress. There have been periods where I have been more sad than ever before in my life. And periods where I have never been so happy. <br />
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These past few years I have made amazing friends who I never would have expected. People from all over the country with very different life stories than my own. I am so lucky to have been able to surround myself with such amazing people which has really made the transition out West so much easier.<br />
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I have been able to visit and explore places I had never really heard of or imagined going before. I know the sense of accomplishment after finishing a strenuous (for me at least) hike. And the beauty of going out into the mountains. I understand now why some people just want to get away from civilization and never come back. I've learned to snowboard and finally have an appreciation and love for the winter that I've never had before, despite having lived through so many of them.<br />
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Moreover, I have learned such a different understanding about myself and about others. My mind has really opened up to why people make the decisions that they do. I may not always agree with what people decide, but I feel like I'm much more open to how differently people process things. There is no one right way. And in some situations there are NO good choices and people have to make the decision that works the best for them. I can completely understand how circumstances push people to do things they would *never* do. And, unless you have been in that person's position, you have no right to judge them. And let's face it, we can never truly be in someone's position. Clearly I'm no saint and I have a lot of my own judgements, but I try so hard to remind myself of these facts when I'm getting particularly judgmental. <br />
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Last, but certainly not least, I have seen my family grow in new, and somewhat unexpected ways. I have a smart, sassy niece who I love so much and wish I could see more. And another niece/nephew on the way that I can't wait to meet. We have our perfect daughter. And while we don't see or talk to them very much, we have L's birth family who I consider to be a part of our family.<br />
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My life now is not at all what I guessed it would be 3 years ago. Three years feels like it's flown by. And at the same time I look back and wonder how that possibly could have only been 36 months. There have been such high highs and such low lows. It's bittersweet closing this chapter of my life, but at the same time I look forward to the chapter ahead!PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-48437856308567204772015-06-01T21:19:00.001-06:002015-06-01T21:41:20.937-06:00Taking in Nature<p dir="ltr">I have to admit, I was getting a little too comfortable. For quite some time I was able to push aside the fact that bad things happen to good people.</p>
<p dir="ltr">This week has made it quite clear that I can't ignore that reality. It's only Monday and this week is already so saturated with loss. I hate that people can fight through and overcome so much only to have it all come crashing down around them. My beautiful, supportive friend who overcame all the obstacles of IF only to have her sweet  baby stolen from this Earth. The child who passes away right in front of your eyes. Where you do everything you can, but still you can't beat death.</p>
<p dir="ltr">It's times like these where I just have to take in the beauty of nature. There is so much sadness in this world that I just need to take the time to focus on the good. Escaping into the mountains usually does that for me. Getting away from the high tech world. Not having to talk. Just spending that time with your thoughts and the ones you love. Pushing yourself or just relaxing and enjoying an easy hike. The view is always worth the work. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Wishing for that peace and beauty to fill the hearts of those who are hurting. </p>
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Rosa, you may not have been on this Earth long, but you have left your mark on so many lives. My heart goes out to her wonderful, strong parents. I hate how unfair life can be. </div>
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PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-55995725160841088532015-05-24T21:28:00.003-06:002015-05-24T21:28:57.723-06:00HealingI feel like this blog is becoming so cheesy. But honestly, I just can't get over how lucky we've become. While I obviously can't forget what we've been through to bring us to where we are, but if things were different we wouldn't have our daughter. Knowing what I know now, I honestly, wouldn't trade one second of the pain of infertility if it meant we did not have her.<br />
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There was a time where I didn't think I'd ever be able to see past the pain of infertility. Even now, I can see how it colors most of my experiences. Hindsight is 20/20, but I can honestly say that I would not change a thing. There is on way that I can imagine being happier than I am now.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmcXBMLrJaSmD0P1I5s86yCOoGzwx7rk3CeBa2Rg_iuOUqk43IU1qeJd0nsW3dGnColXlvRv1RRIjcQ0t3aYy_tQTbd0ffE-7gdCoROZhgt0JPNEM-lbad15omCdv1-Hn0-TRVpP0GjDo/s1600/hands.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrmcXBMLrJaSmD0P1I5s86yCOoGzwx7rk3CeBa2Rg_iuOUqk43IU1qeJd0nsW3dGnColXlvRv1RRIjcQ0t3aYy_tQTbd0ffE-7gdCoROZhgt0JPNEM-lbad15omCdv1-Hn0-TRVpP0GjDo/s320/hands.jpg" width="180" /></a>Every second that I get to spend with my family is one that I treasure. L is at such a fun age. She hasn't quite figured out how to crawl yet, but is trying to pull up to stand. She is constantly on the move, either trying to climb or pushing herself backwards. I am relishing in the moments where I get to see her experience something new. There is nothing in the world better than watching your child grow and develop. Even though we are not biologically related, I find myself taking such pride in every developmental milestone that L reaches. She is so joyful and excited with everything new that she learns. Plus, she's finally getting to the point where she will do things to show how much she loves me back, which pretty much makes my heart explode. Her wet, slobbery "kisses" on my cheek are the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Or the way that she rubs her face against my shirt to get rid of her slobber/snot. Best yet is when I pick her up from daycare and she gets this huge smile on her face and starts bouncing up and down from excitement.<br />
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Things aren't always easy. At 8 months we're still dealing with at least 1 to 3 wake ups per night. L still hates being put down for any period of time where I or H is not in reach. And god forbid we try to change a dirty diaper lately. But, overwhelmingly, I feel so happy and whole that it doesn't matter.<br />
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Infertility sucks. But I hope everyone out there dealing with IF finds the happiness that I have. It doesn't erase the pain, but it certainly does make it worth it.PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-13959136072012356762015-05-16T09:53:00.001-06:002015-05-16T09:53:54.442-06:00MemoriesI'm so excited for my friends! In the past few months I have one friend who is matched with an expectant mother due in November, and another friend who is closing in on the final stages of adopting a 2 yo little boy. I'm so excited for them both and look forward to seeing how this crazy adoption ride works out for both of them!<br />
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I've also been finding myself thinking back and remembering our match day and placement more and more lately. I can't even describe the emotions that come along with matching. There's so much excitement. I literally could not stop shaking for at least a day or two and forget about sleeping. And your brain just starts going a million miles a minute thinking of everything you need to do. When you should do it. Etc. And then the anxiety. There are all the normal fears - like what if something happens to the baby? What if something happens during delivery? Will I be able to do this? And then the additional, adoption-specific fears - What if she/they change their mind? What if something happens and this doesn't work out? And then of course there is sadness. Sadness for these parents who are having to choose to place their child for adoption. While everyone goes into it with their own reasons and I do believe that it's the right choice in almost all cases, it still has to be so heartbreaking for them. For those who have gone through IF or loss, it also magnifies the sadness of not being able to have your own biologic child. And the experiences that you're missing (the pregnancy, the birth, etc).<br />
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Basically, it's a time of complete emotional overload and exhaustion. Looking back now, the most potent memories are the happy ones. Talking to and meeting L's birth Mom for the first time. Getting "the call." The overwhelming happiness of meeting and holding our daughter for the first time.<br />
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I'm not sure if we'll ever financially be able to adopt again. That makes me sad, because we had such an amazing experience and I would do it again in a heartbeat. But I know in a couple years we'll explore other ways of expanding our family (most likely fostering), so I have faith that we'll have more children.<br />
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And in the meantime, I look forward to being there for my friends as they welcome their new children!! Adoption is a crazy, unpredictable, sometimes messy, but incredibly rewarding experience. I am so happy that they will get to experience it!! <br />
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<br />PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-67399956359956483292015-05-10T10:21:00.001-06:002015-05-16T09:56:40.186-06:00Mother's Day<div dir="ltr">
Happy Mother's Day:<br />
- to my thoughtful, caring, and always there for me Mother<br />
- to my Grandma who is the funniest, feistiest 80some year old out there<br />
- to my daughter's other mother, without her I would not be spending today holding this beautiful child in my arm<br />
- to my sister, my mother-in-law, aunts, cousins, and friends who are mothers<br />
- to those with children they can hold in their arms today<br />
- to those whose children are in their hearts<br />
- to those women who have made the decision, for whatever reason, to place their child for adoption <br />
- to those women who are still waiting. Whether struggling through the battlefield of IF, prospective adoptive/foster parents, those still looking for their right partner or the right time<br />
- to those who are unable to be with their Mother today</div>
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<img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-mS_rXrQWD2A/VU-Fgc1BweI/AAAAAAAASp4/U6aRV7kLYLQ/s640/FB_IMG_1431274815983.jpg" /> PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-52757950842321027112015-05-02T12:23:00.002-06:002015-05-02T12:44:07.505-06:00Wait, is this a blog?So I may have relapsed into my bad blogging habits. But sometimes life gets away from you.<br />
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Somehow I have a 7 month old! Where has the time gone? It feels like yesterday she was this tiny newborn and now I look over at her and she's losing her baby-ish look. She's also started to be able to move around a lot more. Now that she realizes that rolling can get her places she wants to go she's started to do that more. And she has the most adorable little butt scootch. Essentially she just bounces until she gets where she wants to go. It's hilarious. Honestly, overall she's pretty hilarious. Thanks to her Dad she's just a silly, goofy girl. We're still always on the move. Because, what fun is it to sit still? I've become an honorary jungle gym. Because heaven forbid I set her down. Don't get me wrong, I adore the snuggle time, but it would be nice if she could entertain herself for 15-20 min so I could make breakfast of take a breath or something. I'm sure that day will come and then I'll be so sad that she doesn't need me 24/7 anymore. At least I'm fully aware that there's no pleasing me?<br />
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It feels like a small milestone, but we traveled last weekend and DIDN'T HAVE TO TELL THE AGENCY! Holy cow, we're like a regular family now! Obviously adoption will also be a pretty obvious part of our life, and I'm so grateful for that, but it's such a relief for everything to be final and legal. We had a great trip to California. L adores the beach. She had a blast playing in the sand. And I was very pleasantly surprised that she didn't try to eat it at all. And we were able to have her stand in the ocean! She loves the water and was content splashing away. No crying and no fear. Best of all was 4 (almost uninterrupted) days with the family!! It's nice to get away and not have to work all the time.<br />
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Sadly, after this weekend, work is going to pick up and be crazy for a couple of months. Luckily the weather is gorgeous so we're going to have a great time. We have some outings with friends planned. I made it for a run today and while I'm still super out of shape, it feels great to get out there and get moving. And once the little wakes up from her nap we're going to get out for a hike.<br />
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Life is good <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Palm trees and the ocean (don't mind the weird statue/sculpture).</td></tr>
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<br />PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-90548889108082404432015-04-04T17:06:00.000-06:002015-04-04T17:06:23.485-06:00Hitting the pavementSo glad that Spring is on it's way in. And I'm back in the running game!! I was so excited last year to go from not even being able to run 0.5 mi without huffing and puffing to getting up to 6 miles. After which I promptly got caught up with life and stopped running. :( But now it's spring again and I have no excuses!<br />
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Right now I don't really have any goals, exactly. I'm trying to get used to running with my new accessory - the jogging stroller. Thanks to my awesome parents, I actually have a really nice jogging stroller. Which is lucky, because I realize now that half the stuff we registered for was junk. I think that's the one problem when you have about 4 days to prepare for having a baby. You pretty much pick up the first things you see. Without doing a ton of research. But for the stroller, since I knew I had to have a good one in order to make sure that I actually stuck with running, I did do some research. Which mostly consisted of googling "good jogging stroller for tall people." Because, I'm 5'' 9" and there is now way I wanted to be hunched over a stroller made for someone 5' tall.<br />
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Based on the reviews we ended up going with the Joovy 360 Zoom. And, while I haven't used any other jogging strollers, I have been really pleased. The bar is at just the right height for me. I'm still getting used to the extra weight of pushing the stroller. And holy cow does it slow you down in the wind. But, I have been making progress on increasing my speed and endurance with it. The one thing that I found kind of confusing (which may just have been me) was how to adjust the back to get it into a more upright position. It turns out that after you've done all the adjustments there's some sort of lock that you have to flip. I kept getting so frustrated because I'd get her into the sitting position and then by the end of the run she'd be laying down. It turns out it was just user error... whoops! It also has nice shock absorbancy and has a pretty smooth ride.Once you figure out how to fold it up its really easy. Just hold a lever and pull. It's pretty bulky so not ideal for a on the go stroller, but I figure that's probably the same of all jogging strollers.<br />
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(Sorry for the user review there, but I figured, just in case anyone who is reading this is in the market for a jogging stroller, I highly recommend ours).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIZ1f-H2JBdwnsM9A3Hs396ocYms-l5U_P_0nVsBX7F5Vv6H6da7th-PmbdxHVl68T1VDqA2q5ba3UhRx86y66ihQ0gUSE2CCsbNCwsJRVmI8sBmamF8-7vQmfCA5z0AxOYKOBmrEr8Pmk/s1600/20150404_152455.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIZ1f-H2JBdwnsM9A3Hs396ocYms-l5U_P_0nVsBX7F5Vv6H6da7th-PmbdxHVl68T1VDqA2q5ba3UhRx86y66ihQ0gUSE2CCsbNCwsJRVmI8sBmamF8-7vQmfCA5z0AxOYKOBmrEr8Pmk/s1600/20150404_152455.jpg" height="320" width="180" /></a>I'm still pretty out of shape, but this week I rededicated myself to getting out there. We went out 3 times - for a 3 mi, 1.7 mi, and 3.2 mi runs. It feels so good to be back outside again. I can't get enough of the sunshine!! Luckily the weather has been gorgeous - about 60-70 degrees so it's just perfect for running. And honestly I have the most beautiful running route. A nice flat area with a great view of the mountains. At some point I do hope to increase my stamina by adding in an incline, but for the out of shapeness where I am right now, flat is perfect. Sometimes I just look around and wonder, is this real life? I feel so lucky to be able to enjoy this and to be able to share it with my daughter. (again, is this real life??) This is just one of those days that makes me so happy and appreciative of everything that I have and that I'm able to do. Must be the endorphins <br />
<br />PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-39683288712703289352015-04-01T20:48:00.002-06:002015-04-01T20:49:25.653-06:00Adoption Books for KidsSo, it's probably not a huge surprise that as someone who loves reading and writing blogs, I also love books. Seriously, I love reading. I'm sad that I haven't had the time lately to invest into that passion. Part of my biggest excitement with having a baby of my own was being able to go back and re-read all my childhood favorites. And I'm happy that we're also finding some adoption-related books to read.<br />
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I was so excited to learn that one of the local resale shops, Kid to Kid, has a book of the month program where every month you can go in and get a free book! (Which I'm terrible about remembering to do, since I don't necessarily go shopping every month). This month when we went to pick out our book, it was so exciting to find <i>A Mother for Choco</i>, a book that has been on my adoption books for kids list that I've wanted to check out. So we'll start off this post with a review of that one!<br />
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<i>A Mother for Choco - </i>This is a really cute book. It's about a little bird that goes in search of his mother, but everyone he finds tells him they aren't his mother because they don't look like him. In the end he finds Mrs. Bear and even though they look nothing alike, she does everything for him that a Mother would. And then asks if she can be his mother. This is a nice book that focuses on the fact that you don't have to look alike to be family. Family is about so much more than that. It's especially nice for those of us with transracial or other conspicuous adoptions. But I think it would be equally nice for families of mixed race or families with children with disabilities or other such cases where children in the family may not look like one or both of their parents.<br />
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<i>I Love you All the Same<b> </b></i>- Along the same lines, this is another book that celebrates families with different appearances. It's about 3 bears - panda bear, brown bear, and polar bear - that are siblings. They all have unique skills and talents, but their parents repeatedly tell them that they love them all the same. Given that we hope to have more children in the future, whether through adoption, fostering, or some miracle of nature, I think this book has a really important message. Honestly, I think this is a good book for any household with more than one child, even if they are all biologic children. Everyone is different and it's important to remind kids that even if they are not the same as a sibling, parents will love them all the same, no matter what.<br />
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<i>I Wished for You </i>- This book is definitely more adoption specific. It's about a Mama Bear and her Baby Bear, Barley. He is asking to hear the story about how she wished for him and how she adopted him. I like that it touched upon the fact that adoptive children have birth parents. When he asks why his birth mom placed him for adoption, Mama Bear explains about how sometimes, even when you love your baby, you are not able to raise them and give them the life you want for them. It also touches upon differences in appearances like the other books do. I think this is a really sweet book and sometimes I almost (okay I do) have tears when it talks about how Mama Bear wished and wished, and was sometimes afraid that her wish may never come true. And about how Barley is her wish come true. I'm a sap. <br />
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<i>We Belong Together </i>- This is one of the books we borrowed from the library. It talks about how a family comes together through adoption. It's been a little bit since we read it, so excuse me if I'm wrong, but it doesn't really touch at all on the birth parents of the child. It is a nice book to talk about how a family can come together through adoption and how the child belongs with his/her family. It's a pretty simple, short book too which is nice for younger kids. He has another book called <i>The Family Book </i>that I also liked that talks about how families can be all different - different races, gay/lesbian parents, etc - but that even though they're different they're all family. Overall I really liked both of these books, especially for younger kids.<br />
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<i>Stellaluna </i>- This is a book I remember reading as a child. Back then I didn't really give the adoption piece of it much thought. It's about a little bat that ends up getting lost and essentially adopted by a family of birds. She is essentially raised by the birds until one day she finds her bat family again. And then she goes back with her bat family but remains friends with the birds. I think this book is better suited for foster children, especially those who have a high likelihood of reunification. I still think it's a cute story and will probably someday buy it (we just borrowed it from the library this time), it probably won't be my go-to book when we want to read about adoption.<br />
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<i>All Together Now </i>- This is another book that celebrates the differences of children<i> </i>but also stresses that just because children are different they are all loved. It also emphasizes how the kids differences is what is necessary and makes the family what it is. This is a really cute, easy read. It's got a nice rhyme that makes it a fun read especially with younger children. It's upbeat and fun.<br />
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I think those are all the adoption-related books we've read with L. I'm certainly always on the lookout for more so if anyone has any suggestions of books that they've liked that relate to adoption feel free to share them with me! Another thing that is in the works is making a book specifically for L. From other adoptive families, I've learned that many people make what are called "Life books" which are personalized stories about a child's life and adoption. We are definitely planning to make one for L and are excited to include some photos. There are certainly a few circumstances that I'm still working on figuring out how to address in an age-appropriate manner. But hopefully sometime soon I'll be able to finish working on it and get it printed for her! PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8498631855311409609.post-79953366368629525752015-03-29T23:53:00.001-06:002015-03-29T23:53:29.956-06:00Finally Finalized!<p dir="ltr">We had our court date Friday and I'm so happy to report we are legally and officially a family of 3!! </p>
<p dir="ltr">The whole day was pretty surreal. We woke up and L was just being so cute. As we were hanging out she kept reaching out for and grabbing my face and hair, which just makes my heart melt. She'll put on this huge gummy smile and grab my cheeks and pull my head close to hers. There is nothing in the world more sweet. I then went to get my haircut. And as I was telling my stylist about our court date, I was overwhelmed with emotions. What would I do if things didn't go well?? There is no way I could lose my daughter, I don't think I'm strong enough for that. So when I got home she got extra big hugs and kisses. And then we got ready for and headed to court. It was actually super simple and short. I almost started crying a few times, but I didn't. Then it was over! A few flourishes of the pen and that's it, it's all legal and final. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I can't even begin to say what a relief it is. While I know everything is exactly the same, it feels lighter, freer. luckily we got to celebrate with a gorgeous weekend. It's 70some degrees and sunny, what could be better? We got to enjoy some beautiful time outside. </p>
<p dir="ltr">I couldn't be happier. We have the most perfect, beautiful girl. She melts my heart with her huge smile. I am so excited for tomorrow and every day ahead with our daughter <3</p>
PackerFan4Lifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10244400625913465252noreply@blogger.com3